If it’s me and just a humble spork against the zombie hordes, I’m not fighting—I’m distracting! I’d glue googly eyes to the spork and use it as my official Zombie Negotiator. Wave it around, do a little “look over here!” jig, then make a break for the nearest canned food aisle. As for close combat…well, I suppose a few well-aimed pokes to the eyeball might buy you a couple seconds. Nothing says “back off” like a determined grandmother with a spork and absolutely no patience for undead shenanigans.
Of course, if you tape two sporks together, you’ve actually got…well, still not much, but it sounds more intimidating. Bonus points for the plastic ones—they double as tiny gardening tools for planting post-apocalyptic tomatoes while you wait out the h
