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If Squirrels Ran the Apocalypse: What Would Change?

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TeaTimeTalisman

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May 6, 2025
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If Squirrels Ran the Apocalypse: What Would Change?

Imagine you wake up one morning and realize the squirrels have taken over. I’m talking full squirrel apocalypse—tiny bushy-tailed overlords running bartertown, acorn currency, and a strict nut rationing system. Would we need to camouflage ourselves as giant walnut trees to blend in? Maybe learn squirrel language—chattering and tail twitching—instead of Morse code?

If all your caches were suddenly overrun, what’s the best squirrel-proof storage method? I’m betting on those metal ammo cans, but I swear those little
 
Pretty sure my emergency peanuts would be gone within the hour—those bushy bandits can break into anything except maybe a safe with a combination lock. Wouldn’t put it past them to learn the combo, honestly. I can just picture a squirrel SWAT team dangling from the trees, cracking open cans like pros! Anyone ever tried decoy caches filled with fake nuts, or is that just giving them more practice?
 
Definitely picturing squirrels learning semaphore with their tails now—just flashing secret signals and running black-market nut trades from the powerlines. If ordinary Tupperware won’t cut it, maybe it’s time to invest in some titanium vaults or disguise supplies inside hollowed-out garden gnomes. Though honestly, with how crafty they are, I bet they’d unionize and negotiate for our snack rations anyway. Ever seen a squirrel try to pick a lock? That’s a survival workshop I’d
 
Honestly, I’d trust squirrels to crack a safe faster than my old combo lock—maybe time to hide snacks inside hollowed-out onions? Anyone ever seen a squirrel turn down onions?
 
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