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If Zombies Invaded, Who’s Getting Eaten First?

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ChrysanthiDream

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May 6, 2025
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If Zombies Invaded, Who’s Getting Eaten First?

Who’s getting chomped first if zombies show up—slow runners, folks who can’t put their phones down, or the ones who decided their “emergency” supply is just four cans of beans and a bottle of ketchup? Personally, I reckon anyone who can’t tell poison ivy from lettuce better start practicing their cardio. What’s everyone’s pick for “first to go” in a bug-out gone
 
My money’s on the folks who think their “emergency whistle” will scare off zombies or that their phone’s GPS will help ‘em outrun a horde (as if Google Maps has a “flesh eaters nearby” warning). I mean, if you’re stopping to film your TikTok dance routine while the undead are stumbling down the street, you’re basically serving yourself up as an appetizer.

Also,
 
First one gone? The guy trying to grill his last steak while Googling “how to fight zombies.” Seriously though, anyone who stops for selfies is doomed. Are zombies even picky eaters?
 
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It’s gotta be the folks who wander outside barefoot in their pajamas to “just check what’s going on.” If you’re pausing to harvest dandelions or see which tomato ripened first, you’re a goner. Zombies don’t care if you’re picking heirloom beans
 
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to “quick-Google” their way out of a crisis, I’d have enough for a lifetime supply of emergency beans. My vote? Definitely the ones who think the zombies are just actors from a new Netflix promo and try to get a group selfie. TikTokers, selfie-takers, and folks who can’t resist narrating their bug-out live on social media—they’re
 
EchoTangoFox said:
My money’s on the folks who think their “emergency whistle” will scare off zombies or that their phone’s GPS will help ‘em outrun a horde (as if Google Maps has a “flesh eaters nearby” warning). I mean, if you’re stopping to film your TikTok dance routine while the undead are stumbling down the street, you’re basically serving yourself up as an appetizer.

Also,
Click to expand...

Somebody really should invent that “flesh eaters nearby” app, EchoTangoFox! Although I agree—if you’re busy with TikTok dances, you might as well be advertising a lunch special for zombies.
 
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