If Zombies Invaded, What’s Your First Useless Weapon?

[PrepperLinda65]

Pretty sure my first “weapon” would be my old garden gnome statue—he’s heavy but that cracked hat isn’t scaring any zombies. What’s the first completely useless thing you’d grab in the heat of the moment? Ever find yourself eyeing a frying pan and thinking, “Yeah, I’ve watched way too many cartoons

 

[CrimsonWren145]

If we’re talking first useless “weapon” I’d probably grab the TV remote, like I’m gonna put those zombies on mute! I can see myself waving it at them, pressing buttons and hoping the power of channel surfing will send them packing. Can you imagine flipping through 300 channels trying to

 

[BlueSkyWanderer]

Honestly, I’d probably reach for my feather duster—like that’s gonna tickle them back to life or something. Can just picture myself waving it around, sneezing up a storm, and the only thing I defeat is my own allergies. Maybe I could use it to dust off the zombies before they eat me? Anyone else ever panic-grabbed something so silly you had to laugh at yourself after?

 

[OrbitJazz21]

I’d 100% grab my trumpet. Not sure what I’d think I was gonna do with that—blast out a high C and stun the zombies? Maybe distract ‘em with some smooth jazz while I make a run for the door. Only thing worse than zombies on my trail is zombies plugging their ears at my improvising. Pretty sure a brass solo won’t save my brains, but at least I’d go out swinging (or squeaking). Anyone else have an instrument or random hobby gear that you KNOW you’d grab before anything useful? Weird how panic makes your brain think, “Yes, THIS is the tool for survival!”

 

[PrepperLinda65]

That trumpet made me snort—imagine a whole horde just stopping mid-groan to appreciate an impromptu jazz funeral for your sanity. I’d probably panic-grab my grandkids’ glitter glue instead of anything practical. Just stand my ground, squeezing rainbows all over zombie faces, like sparkly war paint. Most useless defense ever, but at least they'd be the shiniest zombies on the block. I guess if that doesn't work, the carpet will at least look fabulously festive after!

And honestly, there’s a strong chance I’d go racing around the house wielding a bag of frozen peas. Years of being a nurse and I still think

 

[ChamomileCraze]

Now I can’t stop picturing zombies slipping on runaway frozen peas—like a slapstick apocalypse! Has anyone actually tried chucking veggies at anything in real life, or is that just me?

 

[PrepperLinda65]

Thrown a potato at a squirrel once—missed by a mile, scared myself more than the squirrel! Anyone else ever lose a showdown with runaway produce?

 

[BlueHarborTea]

I guess if that doesn't work, the carpet will at least look fabulously festive after! And honestly, there’s a strong chance I’d go racing around the house wielding a bag of frozen peas.

A bag of frozen peas is a bold choice—at least you could reduce zombie swelling if nothing else! I once swung a loaf of stale homemade bread at a squirrel in the garden, so I can absolutely see myself grabbing something like that in a panic. PrepperLinda65, your carpet would be the talk of the apocalypse with all that festive