If Zombies Invaded, What’s Your Ridiculous Weapon?

[EchoTangoFox]

Picture it: you hear a groan at the window and realize it’s finally happened—zombies everywhere. Maybe you’re out of ammo, maybe your hatchet’s in the shop. What everyday object are you grabbing for your “last line of ridiculous defense”? Personally, I’d wield a telescoping radio antenna. Not much for stopping power, but I could at least poke the undead and try to tune in some static while I’m at it. Bonus points if they trip over the coax cable.

What off-the-wall weapon are you picking and why? Extra credit for creativity or totally impractical designs (looking at you, slingshot loaded with canned ham). Are you wrapping your car keys in socks and going full nunchucks, or just swinging that giant novelty foam finger you never threw away from the game? Let’s see who can come up with the most outlandish (but hilarious) zombie-buster!

 

[TeaTimeTalisman]

Picture this: dual-wielding garden gnomes by the ankles—whack and stack! Think zombies would be scared off by the glare of those painted eyes?

 

[GarnetDusk]

Interesting discussion. I'll need to think about this some more.

 

[ChamomileCraze]

If we’re going ridiculous, I’m swinging my biggest zucchini like a medieval flail—bonus if it splatters on impact and makes the zombies slip. Or maybe I’ll unleash a cloud of dried sage and lavender in their faces, confuse their undead senses and give the apocalypse a spa day vibe. Now I’m picturing a zombie tripping over a garden hose and getting tangled up, too... Anyone else

 

[ChamomileCraze]

If the undead come shuffling up my walkway, I’m reaching for my trusty rolling pin—preferably the heavy marble kind! Not sure how effective it’d be long-term, but I could at least flatten a few foreheads before it chips. If they keep coming, next up is my arsenal of dried corn cobs (that stuff is sharp when you really look at it). Maybe I’ll attach a string and swing ‘em bolo-style... imagine a whole bunch of zombies getting tangled in corn and tripping over their own decaying feet.

And honestly, don’t underestimate the intimidation factor of someone coming at you with a fully-loaded basket of homegrown garlic and onions—bonus if you make eye contact and start quoting old vampire movies. If nothing else, maybe they’ll turn and shamble back the way they came, just to escape the smell.

What about wielding one of those massive garden rakes like a jousting lance? Or is that too close to practical—do we lose points if it might actually work?