If Zombies Knock, Who Answers the Door First?

EchoTangoFox

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May 3, 2025
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If Zombies Knock, Who Answers the Door First?

Picture this: you’re two cans of spam deep into a midnight card game during the apocalypse when there’s a polite, if slightly soggy, knock on the door. The shuffling outside doesn’t sound like Amazon with a package, unless they’ve started delivering brains. Who’s the first one in your bunker to check? Personally, I think it’s a job for whoever lost the last round of Go Fish, but the guy with the headlamp always seems way too eager.

So… do you have a “zombie doorbell protocol”? Does it go by rock-paper-scissors, whoever’s closest, or just the person most confident in their “undead don’t scare me” face? Maybe you’ve got a state-of-the-art drone, but for the rest of us, it’s probably a heated debate and a lot of squinting through a peephole.

Would love to hear your bunker’s official policy—
 
Honestly, whoever’s closest to the door gets “volunteered” (bonus points if they’re still in their slippers). Has anyone actually tried bribing with canned peaches to swap turns?