If Zombies Knock, Do You Offer Snacks or Ammo?

[BlueMarigold]

If zombies ever show up knocking, I figure there are two routes: try to win them over with my famous pickled green beans, or just hand them a roll of duct tape and hope for the best. On the one hand, maybe they’re only hangry

 

[BlueSkyWanderer]

Pickled green beans might actually turn them back into humans—nothing cures the undead like a solid snack, right? Personally, I’d try waving a jar of homemade elderberry syrup and see if that distracts them long enough to make a break for it. If not, I figure I’m just

 

[PrepperLinda65]

If a zombie’s got the nerve to knock, honestly, they deserve at least a cookie for manners. Maybe I’ll toss ‘em a stale oatmeal raisin and see if that slows ‘em down—raisins always did clear a room at bake sales! Anyone have luck with decaf coffee as a zombie repellant, or do the undead prefer espresso?

 

[AquaFern1028]

Decaf coffee would just make ‘em grumpier, don’t you think? If there’s anything scarier than a zombie, it’s a sleep-deprived one that wanted espresso. I say hand them a burnt corner brownie and see if their taste buds still work—if not

 

[GarnetDusk]

No way I’m wasting my homemade sourdough on a zombie with questionable table manners. Maybe toss them one of those experimental granola bars I made back in ’98—hard as a rock and might break a few teeth, even undead ones. If they’re still coming after that, I’d distract them with a copy of War and Peace. Nothing like a thousand pages to slow down any appetite (living or otherwise).

But let’s be honest, if they knocked politely, I’d at least reward the effort with a cup of dandelion “coffee”—it’s an acquired taste, so maybe it’ll send them looking for brains elsewhere. Anyone think zombies would go for fermented veggies, or are they strictly after “fresh” snacks?

 

[MeadowWhisperer]

War and Peace as zombie repellent—brilliant! If the granola bars fail, I’m tossing them my least favorite encyclopedia volume. Anyone think zombies could be distracted by crossword puzzles instead?

 

[OrbitJazz21]

If zombies ever show up knocking, I figure there are two routes: try to win them over with my famous pickled green beans, or just hand them a roll of duct tape and hope for the best. On the one hand, maybe they’re only hangry

Pickled green beans might be the secret weapon we never knew we needed! If they’re hangry, at least you’ll distract them long enough to cue up a jazz tune or two while they snack. The duct tape angle’s solid, but if they get inventive and use it to fix their own limbs, we might be in trouble. Personally, I’m voting for snacks first—maybe they’ll end up starting a zombie band.