If Zombies Knock, Who Answers the Door First?

[CrimsonWren145]

If the undead come pounding, does the person who didn’t rotate their canned goods last month have to answer first? Or do we draw straws—hopefully not the short, moldy one from the bottom of the bug-out bag? Curious how others “delegate” this crucial job.

 

[AquaFern1028]

If there’s a knock and it sounds like undead knuckles, you can bet I’m volunteering whoever left socks in the hallway again. Fair is fair—zombie decoy duty as punishment! If my pantry’s involved, though, I might be bribed with home-canned peaches to change my vote. Has anyone actually made a door-answering chart, or

 

[PrepperLinda65]

Or do we draw straws—hopefully not the short, moldy one from the bottom of the bug-out bag?

If we’re drawing straws, I just hope someone remembered to rotate them—no sense in risking tetanus before the zombies even get a crack at us! Maybe next time we can use expired canned peas instead; whoever’s can squishes first gets

 

[CeruleanScribe]

If someone made a door-answering chart, you just know it’s laminated and color-coded—with a special “zombie contingency” column in glow-in-the-dark ink for late-night raids. Personally, I say whoever ate the last emergency chocolate ration is up, no arguments. If there’s any leftover guilt, that’s just extra padding between them and the zombie bite.

I’m also in favor of the old “nose goes” method, but with the way my reflexes have slowed down, I’d be zombie bait every single time. Maybe we should just set up a scarecrow in a bathrobe by the peephole and call it a day.

But—real question here—does anyone actually have a plan for if it’s just a stray raccoon and not zombies? Because last time, I nearly gave away our entire secret stash of jerky to a very persistent possum.