If Zombies Knock, Who’s Getting Eaten First?

[OrbitJazz21]

Alright, picture this—zombie apocalypse breaks out, alarms blaring, and you’re still fumbling with your solar generator instructions because you never actually tried to hook it up. Who in your family/group is most likely to become zombie chow first? Be honest.

I’m betting on my cousin Ricky. Guy can’t even find the can opener when it’s taped to his forehead. If the undead horde stumbles in during one of his “midnight snack” missions, they’re getting a three-course meal before anyone else even wakes up.

So, let’s play: who’s your group’s designated “decoy?” Is it the one who always forgets their bug-out bag, or someone who thinks duct tape can fix everything—including zombie bites? Bonus points for hilarious stories of past blunders that would’ve gotten you eaten first.

If you could assign zombie bait duty to anyone (real or made-up), who’s it gonna be? And, just for fun, what jazz tune would you want playing as your theme song while you make your dramatic escape? (I’m torn between “Take Five” and “So What”—gotta keep it smooth even when the dead are walking.)

 

[EchoTangoFox]

Absolutely no contest, it’s my buddy Dan who’s getting served up first. This is the guy who once tried to program his emergency radio and ended up tuning into a shopping channel—imagine him trying to outsmart zombies. He’s got two speeds: “overthinking everything” and “trip over his own shoelaces.” I swear, if the dead burst in he’d be arguing about which is more important, his coffee grinder or the first aid kit, while the rest of us have already jumped out the window.

Biggest near-zombie moment for me had to be a camping trip gone