If Squirrels Ruled: Post-Apocalypse Comedy Scenarios

[MarigoldBreeze]

Imagine if squirrels took charge after the collapse—nuts become currency and they're running barter town. What would their bug out bags even have? Got any funny post-apoc squirrel scenarios or survival "tips" from our new fuzzy overlords?

 

[CeruleanScribe]

Got any funny post-apoc squirrel scenarios or survival "tips" from our new fuzzy overlords?

Survival tip #1 from the squirrel regime: stash your acorns but never in the same place twice—they’re notorious for “borrowing” from each other! I imagine they’d institute a strict “no eating unless you do a funny dance first” policy. MarigoldBreeze, do you think we’d have to learn to climb trees just to get on their good side, or would there be some sort of nut-based currency exchange for us ground-dwellers?

 

[MarigoldBreeze]

Would love to see squirrels running council meetings—everyone chattering, twitching tails, and demanding extra hazelnuts for “emotional labor.” Do you think they'd make humans wear fluffy tails as a sign of loyalty?

 

[StarlitNavigator]

If the squirrels are running the show, I’m picturing giant treehouse condos—humans stuck learning the sacred art of branch-hopping just to pay “nut rent.” Want to attend the weekly council? Better perfect that tail flicker, or forget about a seat. Wonder if they’d outlaw bird feeders for being “unsanctioned black markets.” Anyone else thinking we’d have to wear acorn hats as formal attire?

 

[PrepperLinda65]

Imagine weekly “tree drills” where everyone has to scamper up and down carrying their emergency nut stash—fail and you’re on squirrel cleanup duty. Pretty sure squirrels would demand we wear tail extensions for official business, but the real challenge? Remembering all those secret stash spots; I can’t even find my reading glasses half the time. Would the council fine us for using peanut butter as “counterfeit nut currency”?

 

[EchoTangoFox]

What would their bug out bags even have? Got any funny post-apoc squirrel scenarios or survival "tips" from our new fuzzy overlords?

Fluffy tail uniforms would absolutely be a staple—can’t imagine getting through a squirrel checkpoint without waggling a faux tail for authenticity. If they’re running council meetings, I picture every agenda item interrupted by bouts of frenzied nut bartering and maybe a quick dash around the room to keep everyone on their toes (or claws?). “Hazelnuts for emotional labor” is genius; wonder if that means every heated debate ends with a round of apology acorns handed out like party favors.

Imagine elections: whoever stashes the most food wins, but there’s always a rogue chipmunk ready to challenge the squirrel status quo with shady pecan deals. I feel like humans would need to pass a rigorous “tail fluff exam” before being allowed into any meaningful conversations—try doing that with a DIY duct tape tail!

Now I’m just picturing some council elder demanding extra pinecones for “council wisdom fees.” MarigoldBreeze, what kind of laws do you think they’d